If you want to strengthen your relationships, give people room to make mistakes. You don’t have to correct everyone all the time. Love overlooks an offense. ~ Victoria Osteen

Never, ever would I have thought God would use my personal “life” as a testimony to share with people all over the world!  I mean really, who am I?

Well, fortunate enough for me, I found out it wasn’t at all about me!  It has always been about doing the will of Him that sent me.  So, I get to share all the ugly things I did in the early years of my relationship and then marriage to my beloved, late husband Ruben Travis Baker, Jr.  YET, the most wonderful thing I get to share is when I “got it”, to let go and let God,” this is when the transformation began to happen.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. — Romans 12:2 ESV

First thing first, it was imperative that I understood what was wrong with being conformed to the world?  I mean like:

  • what’s wrong with the world?
  • what’s wrong with the people who are around me?
  • what’s wrong with what they’re saying?
  • what’s wrong with they way I think?

As long as I can remember, I was taught to speak my mind when it comes to relationships.  I was told, don’t let a man do this or that, don’t ever take any type of criticism from a man and, if he has nothing, can’t offer you anything (for example, luxury cars, a luxury home and a fat bank account), don’t even consider him!  This type of teaching came from family, friends, society, television, etc.  Heck, he should be happy you’re even with him. 😉

I didn’t see anything wrong with the world nor the people who were around me.  I liked what they were saying and loved the way I was thinking!  (FYI… “association brings about assimilation)  As a matter of fact, I didn’t know anything else to look at BUT the world.  To tell the truth about it, even though I saw no wrong in those things mentioned, I did wonder at times why I failed at relationships.  Seriously, what could I be doing wrong?  I was trying to do everything I “thought” I knew to say or do/not do in a relationship.

But by the Grace of God!

At the beginning of our marriage, every time something went wrong, I would blame my husband.  It sure couldn’t be my fault! I was Ms. Know it All.  I had an answer for everything and my reasoning was the best!  I would justify things like he was the one with issues, or he was trying to control me, etc., etc.

Side note:  My husband was definitely a strong and sincerely loving man! Who else could put up with such junk?

On one particular day, I was chewing my husband out about something (can’t remember what it was).  In my rant of trying to take control of the conversation, I remember him gently saying…

Regina, you have no room for error.

Me: huh?

Then he said, “you’re always  pointing the finger and so judgmental!  You’re so self-righteous in your own shallow way of thinking, thinking that you’re perfect in everything – you have closed yourself off from learning anything… you have NO room for error!  Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t make it “a wrong!”

It was at that VERY moment when I knew it was time to “self” evaluate.  The bible tells us to examine ourselves.

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? ~ 2 Corinthians 13:5

Then in my time of self evaluation, the Holy Spirit renewed my mind to this:

Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?  Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?  Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. ~ Matthew 7:1-5

Now whether or not this bares no witness with YOUR spirit, it spoke VOLUMES to mine.  You see, I have ALWAYS desired to please God.  I was just so caught up in “religion” and self-righteousness, I had closed myself out to any teaching/understanding!  I thought I had it going on! LOL!!! Yeah right!

The bible speaks about being turned over to a reprobate mind.  Here’s the definition of a reprobate mind:

to refuse to accept :  reject

rejected by God and beyond hope of salvation

And here’s some of what the Bible speaks about reprobate:

And so, since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or approve of Him or consider Him worth the knowing, God gave them over to a base and condemned {reprobate} mind to do things not proper or decent but loathsome, Until they were filled with every kind of unrighteousness, iniquity, grasping and covetous greed, and malice. [They were] full of envy and jealousy, murder, strife, deceit and treachery, ill will and cruel ways. [They were] secret backbiters and gossipers, Slanderers, hateful to and hating God, full of insolence, arrogance, [and] boasting; inventors of new forms of evil, disobedient and undutiful to parents. ~ Romans 1:28-30

Then the blow happened!  The Holy Spirit said to me:

Who do you think YOU are?

let-go-let-God1To make an even shorter story short…believe me, it didn’t take me long at all to turn that horrible behavior around!  I repented (for my mistakes) to God, asked my husband for forgiveness, and sought God for more understanding.  The most important lesson I learned from this, is that God is SO mindful of us that He would take the time to correct me.  He already knew my heart… the core of it and that HE could speak to me and I would hear Him.  Praise God, I could and I did!!  I let go and let God!

I allowed myself to go through the process.  It’s how you go through the process that determines the outcome.  I surrendered wholly to the Holy Spirit.  I asked for direction all the while shaking off “worldly thoughts and excuses.” It didn’t happen over night, and that’s not what’s important, what’s important is that fact that it happened!

It was then when the Holy Spirit blessed Ruben and I with a beautiful relationship, friendship and marriage that only He could impart!

I pray that this message has encouraged you in some way.  Give people room to make mistakes, ESPECIALLY when they give room to yours!  Also, please consider taking the time to self-evaluate and spend time in the Word of God and in prayer.  He knows the very hairs on your head, amen?  Allow Him to order your footsteps and to impart what only He can do for your relationship/marriage.

Here’s to “letting go and letting God!”

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Give People Room to Make Mistakes

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2 thoughts on “Give People Room to Make Mistakes

  • December 9, 2013 at 3:54 am
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    Wow…you’re surely talking to me right now. I always saw myself as being a teacher because of what I went through. I guess I have to reevaluate myself.

    [Reply]

    Regina Reply:

    You and me both! LOL! Seriously, I personally believe we are forever students when it comes to having a personal relationship with Christ. When we can look directly at our mistakes, ask for forgiveness and move on – then and only then can we teach what we’ve been through. I constantly re-evaluate myself. I decrease in order for God to increase 🙂 Thanks for sharing Felicty!

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